Flying Squirrels and Seventeen

SEVENTEEN BY ANDREA BURGESS

This piece is a 2020 FSPA Spring Digital Best of the Best finalist.

Original Music Mix – Seventeen by Andrea Burgess

 

FLYING SQUIRRELS BY CASSIDY HALE

This piece is the recipient of a national silver key from the 2020 Scholastic Art and Writing Awards.

ANCHOR

Ever wonder why your airline
flight is being delayed? Well,
look no longer, the cause could
just be a Florida woman and her
pet squirrel.

INTRO PLAYS

ANCHOR (CONT’D)
Hello and welcome to What the
Florida. This week we will be
discussing an incident that went
down on a Frontier Airlines
flight. It is well known that just
about anyone can take their
comfort pet to travel with them,
but where do we
draw the line? On a Wednesday
afternoon in Orlando, Florida, a
woman decided she was going to
take her “comfort” pet along
with her. Only after Frontier gave
her the paperwork and approved her,
did they find out her pet, was a
squirrel. When the Florida women
was asked to leave the plane
obviously she
refused. But, hey before we jump
the gun and assume this is just
another crazy case of a Floridian
Flu, lets bring in a flight
attendant that was on
board. Julia, how are you?

CUT TO JULIA

JULIA

(little old women in her 70’s)
Good evening.
ANCHOR

Tell me, how did you come to find
out that this woman had a squirrel?

JULIA

well, my dear, i was walking down
the aisle offering peanuts to all
the folks and i guess when i got to
the woman, her squirrel smelt the
nuts. Before i knew it, the
squirrel jumped on my cart and was
eating my nuts!

ANCHOR
(taken aback)
Eating your nuts?!
JULIA

Why yes. It was most traumatizing.

ANCHOR

i bet. So what did you do with the
squirrel since y’all were already
airborne?
JULIA

I fortunately was able to trap the
little guy under one of the drink
cups. But he was a pesky little
sucker.

ANCHOR
Did he escape?
JULIA

Of course! He chewed his way
through the styrofoam and was
running round the cabin! He was
causing such a ruckass by jumpin
on everybodies heads. He even left
a little pebble on a poor boy’s
coloring book.
ANCHOR

How chaotic! Did you ever get the
squirrel under control?

JULIA

Yes, sir. The pilot left the co-
pilot to fly the plane and he

slammed open the cockpit door. Boy
that was a mistake. The squirrel
took the advantage and raced into
the cockpit before the door shut
and locked. The pilot banged on the
door, but the copilot couldn’t take
his hands off the yoke!
ANCHOR

You’re killing me with tension!

JULIA

the squirrel started chewing at
some wires and it caused buckets of
turbulence. The passengers were
losing their marbles and the pilot
was trying to kick down the door.

(MORE)

JULIA (CONT’D)
He finally got through, and he
grabbed the squirrel from behind.

ANCHOR

And what did y’all decide to do
with it?

JULIA
(sadly)
The pilot opened up the bathroom
door and plopped him in the
toilet… and flushed.
ANCHOR
(horrified)
FLUSHED?! That’s terrible!

JULIA

Indeed, my dear. But we were safe
then.

ANCHOR

Thank the lord. We appreciate your
time Julia.
JULIA

No problem, sweetheart.
ANCHOR (CONT’D)

Well, that’s all the time we have
today, let this be a lesson to
everyone to check with TSA before
planning a trip on which woodland
creatures are and are not
acceptable to bring on an
aircraft. Goodnight folks.

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